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Post by lizzo1014 on Dec 17, 2012 22:55:09 GMT -5
Hi everyone,
Working on "Corona" as my first feature, but wanted to get the opinion of my other ideas.
CORONA – A murdered teacher, accused of being a ruthless killer by the judges of the afterlife, is granted 48 hours on Earth to find the real killer and avoid eternal damnation
THROWN – Threatened with eviction, a twenty-something temp competes for full-time employment by pitching her company’s baseball team to the championships
CROOKS AND SHANKS – A bored flight attendant's life is thrown into chaos when she befriends one of her passengers, a teenage con artist on the run from a diverse and colorful group of strangers
OEDIPUS REX - A musical tragedy about a proud young ruler who seeks to free his city from the plague by finding the person responsible
MUST FREE MILLIE – The only thing standing in the way of an underachieving lawyer's wedding is getting his fiancee's eccentric cousin acquitted of murder
CHERRY SEASON – In the midst heated mayoral campaign, the adopted daughter of a conservative candidate secretly pursues a relationship with her biological mother, a successful New York City madam
HERA WANTS A DIVORCE –Greek goddess Hera demands a divorce from husband Zeus launching a public battle for control of the family’s billion-dollar business - Mount Olympus
THE ROGUE BILLIE ROSS - When her billionaire grandfather refuses to pay her ransom, wayward heiress Billie Ross recruits her kidnapper to rob the family’s hotel
[TEACHER OF THE YEAR] - A retiring high school teacher’s desire to win the elusive Teacher of the Year cash prize is threatened by the popularity of a new hire who happens to be a despised former pupil
THE THIRD CHASE - Daughters of a dying, convicted thief crisscross paths with a vengeful sheriff as they hunt for the illegitimate sister set to inherit their father's stolen millions
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Post by mybrainhurts on Dec 18, 2012 15:37:20 GMT -5
They all seem like good loglines. They clearly describe what the scripts are about. Others are better at loglines than I am, but I will give my input on what I would like to watch on screen.
CORONA - Missing something. It doesn't really float my boat at this point.
THROWN - Meh. Doesn't inspire me at all. If she was in her 80's, it would work as a comedy for me.
CROOKS AND SHANKS - Interesting. I would make him older so they could have a romantic relationship somewhere along the way. I might pay money to see it.
OEDIPUS REX - This longline needs work. It is confusing for some reason. I had to reread it three times. I wouldn't watch this film.
MUST FREE MILLIE - Why do they care if they get the cousin off for murder? How does that relate to their wedding? Pass.
CHERRY SEASON - Total chick flick that I may secretly enjoy, but would be too manly to admit. Would watch hoping to see boobs.
HERA WANTS A DIVORCE - Cheesy. Pass.
THE ROGUE BILLIE ROSS - I like it. I would pay to see this one.
TEACHER OF THE YEAR - This could work as a comedy, but the stakes aren't very high. A retiring high school teacher on the brink of foreclosure, - Now it is more important for the teacher to beat the former pupil.
THE THIRD CHASE - A little confusing how it is written, but I like the premise and I would watch it.
How about: Spiteful daughters of a dying thief evade the vengeful sheriff that put their father behind bars as they race to find the illegitimate sister that will inherit the thief's stolen millions.
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Post by churnage on Dec 18, 2012 21:53:04 GMT -5
I like Teacher of the Year. Nice generational conflict.
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oz
Junior Member
Posts: 54
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Post by oz on Dec 18, 2012 23:38:09 GMT -5
Hi Lizzo. Glad to see you back. And a big, long list of ideas. Wonderful! For what it's worth, here's my reaction:
First, it would help to know the genre on all of these to better see your vision.
Corona--My immediate thought is it will be similar but different--as it's been done before. That's not an instant pass but you'll need to study the others to make sure there's enough difference.
Thrown--Completely agree with Brain on this one as to the woman being elderly. Assuming it's a comedy ; )
Crooks & Skanks -- Not really enough here. '...diverse and colorful group' doesn't tell me anything and especially without the genre, this could run the gamut of possibilities.
Oedipus Res --this would have to be executed PERFECTLY to work, in my opinion. Just shy of perfect and it will be horrible. I'm certain that you can do it, but you'll need to devote a great deal of time to the era, language, resources, environment, everything. The first thing that came to mind was that Jack Black movie (and I know I have the title wrong, but...) Day One or The Beginning of Time??? Don't remember just now but it stunk to high heaven because, I believe, they didn't take the era seriously or relied on it for all the jokes. Okay, it could have just been the acting, but that's another discussion! ; ) Just something to think about.
Must Free Milliie -- I think I can 'see' what you're going for here but the so-so logline/lack of genre doesn't give me enough to be sure.
Cherry Season -- Sounds great---comedy or drama
Hera Wants a Divorce -- As with Oedipus, if not executed precisely, it won't work---in any genre
The Rogue Billie Ross -- Like Corona, similar but different could work but this has been done. Just make sure it's all yours.
Teacher of the Year -- Love it and don't even think retiring teacher needs to have the elevated stakes but I'd absolutely make the two teachers of opposite sex. If retiring teacher is a woman and the new teacher is a man, perhaps she only had daughters and at some point questions if his behavior was because of that lack of understanding boys on a more intimate level. If the retiring teacher is a man and the new teacher a woman, perhaps his experience with his own, successfull daughters infuriates him when that's brought up as a possible reason why he just never connected with this student. The possibliities as ENDLESS but I dont' think you want a woman on woman or man on man scenerio---more conflict if they're opposite sex. And you must absolutely utilize the new teacher hitting on the son/daughter of the old teacher! ; ) Again, just my opinion.
Third Chase --Another similar but different and the genre will make or break it.
Good luck and keep us updated!
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Post by Mike Scherer on Dec 19, 2012 8:20:12 GMT -5
These two intrigue me the most:
THE ROGUE BILLIE ROSS - When her billionaire grandfather refuses to pay her ransom, wayward heiress Billie Ross recruits her kidnapper to rob the family’s hotel.
TEACHER OF THE YEAR - A retiring high school teacher’s desire to win the elusive Teacher of the Year cash prize is threatened by the popularity of a new hire who happens to be a despised former pupil.
Comments:
The Rouge Billie Ross: Suggest you change the title. Keep it simple: Billie Ross. The logline reminds me of that Bette Medler/Danny DeVito flick, Ruthless People. The difference with Billie Ross, instead of a comedy, you have a caper flick. Very cool.
Teacher of the Year: The old TV show, Welcome back, Kotter immediately comes to mind. Premise: A founding member of the Sweathogs returns to his alma mater as a teacher and is in constant conflict with the school’s vice principal. Much potential.
Keep Writing!
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Post by lizzo1014 on Dec 20, 2012 22:49:44 GMT -5
Hi everyone, Thank you for your opinions. I will continue to work at the loglines as it helps mold a sharper story. Per your request, the genres are listed below: Corona (action thriller), Thrown (sports comedy), Crooks and Shanks (screwball comedy), Oedipus Rex (musical tragedy), Must Free Millie (courtroom comedy), Cherry Season (coming of age drama), Hera Wants A Divorce (divorce comedy), The Rogue Billie Ross (heist comedy), Teacher of the Year (dramedy), The Third Chase (chase/road film). THROWN - I like the idea of making the main character a 40 year old woman. CROOKS AND SHANKS - Agreed that it's a little weak. Needs more work. OEDIPUS REX: The logline I posted above is incomplete. Here it is in its entirety. "A musical tragedy about a proud young ruler who seeks to free his city from the plague by finding the person responsible for killing the king who preceded him". Essentially it's a musical on the famous Sophocles play. MUST FREE MILLIE - mybrainhurts: The lawyer's fiancee refuses to marry him until her cousin is acquitted of murder. Will figure out how to incorporate that into logline. THE THIRD CHASE - mybrainhurts: I like your logline. Will tweak. TEACHER OF THE YEAR - The retiring teacher is a older woman and the new teacher is a hotshot man. The stakes are more internal as the woman, after teaching for nearly 30 years, is afraid she'll die a nobody. The award is her effort to be recognized and beating a hated former student would be the cherry on top.
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