Life Post Mortem - Logline

[mscherer]

Grumpee,

Here is my take on loglines, and please remember, this is only one man’s opinion. Ask twelve different screenwriters to define a LOGLINE and you will get twelve different answers.

A LOGLINE should:
1. Define a PROTAGONIST with a flaw.
2. Define an ANTAGONIST with a goal.
3. State the SITUATION.
4. Define the STAKES of the story.

Your logline:

A once loving couple, pushed to brink of divorce over the recent death of their son, celebrates their 30th and possibly last anniversary in the silent hell of their own home when the deceased child returns to share dinner with them, forcing them to re-examine their lives, their relationship and his death.

I don’t see a clear PROTAGONIST in this logline. Is it Gareth? Doris? Both?

Who is the ANTAGONIST? Jared?

The SITUATION is defined: ‘...deceased child returns to share dinner with them, forcing them to re-examine their lives, their relationship and his death....’.

The STAKES are defined: ‘...possibly last anniversary...’

I believe a clear and well-stated logline will go a long way to help you define your story -- a road map, so to speak. After reading your short, here is my take on a logline:

An unhappy couple’s marriage unravels even further when their long-thought-dead son returns home with a bounty on his head.

PROTAGONIST: Could be Gareth, or Doris, or both depending how you decide the story should unfold.
ANTAGONIST: Clearly Jared. He has the potential to destroy his parent’s lives.
SITUATION: Long-thought-dead son returns home.
STAKES: ...with a bounty on his head (implies death).

Take if for what it is worth. Just one man’s opinion.

Happy New Year!

Keep Writing!

[grumpee]

Thanks for the input. I'm trying this logline on for size at the moment.

Gareth Engelsen celebrates his 30th and possibly last anniversary with his wife, Doris, in the silent hell of their own home when Jared, their long-thought-dead son, shows up for dinner with a bounty on his head and a bizarre request that threatens to destroy everyone in the house.

[mscherer]

Grumpee,

I think you can slim this down even further without losing too much information. You want your reader to get the gist of the movie (genre, theme, plot) while piquing their interest enough for them to request your script.

As a side note: the rule of thumb is to NOT use character names in a logline. Character names can change while character attributes and flaws remain.

An unhappy couple celebrates what may be their last wedding anniversary when their long-thought-dead son shows up for dinner with a bounty on his head and a bizarre request. (29 words)

Gareth Engelsen celebrates his 30th and possibly last anniversary with his wife, Doris, in the silent hell of their own home when Jared, their long-thought-dead son, shows up for dinner with a bounty on his head and a bizarre request that threatens to destroy everyone in the house. (48 words)

Remember, opinions are like a** h***s -- everybody has one.

Keep Writing!