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Post by mybrainhurts on Jan 21, 2013 16:32:46 GMT -5
What are your thoughts on the following logline?
A young IT geek has to run for his life after ruining a billion dollar merger when he discovers the hostile corporation has been illegally spying on the computer network he maintains.
Thanks in advance!
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Post by lizzo1014 on Jan 21, 2013 18:25:31 GMT -5
The flawed protagonist. The antagonist. The situation. The stakes.
A(n) [insert flaw here] information technician specialist 2) fights for survival after he accidentally comes across information that evidence that could ruin a billion dollar merger between two powerful corporations
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Post by mybrainhurts on Jan 21, 2013 18:54:14 GMT -5
I like it, but still too wordy for my taste.
A [flaw.. "brilliant" is the only thing that comes to mind] CIO runs for his life after he discovers evidence that ruins a billion dollar merger between two powerful corporations
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Post by churnage on Jan 21, 2013 18:59:11 GMT -5
How about?
A young hacker must run for his life after discovering secret information that could ruin a billion-dollar merger.
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Post by mybrainhurts on Jan 21, 2013 19:15:53 GMT -5
How about? A young hacker must run for his life after discovering secret information that could ruin a billion-dollar merger. The protagonist works for one of the companies. He is a IT whiz so he pretty much does it all on his own, even though the department has other IT staff. He maintains the servers, programs, does a little hacking on the side. Instead of having a nerd in that role, I want to make him a good looking, intelligent geek. (Because some of us are...OK maybe not good looking) In a nutshell, he discovers the company that is taking over his has been spying on all the users/driving down the numbers via a hidden program. his company calls off the merger, bodies start dropping, he goes on the run.
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Post by lizzo1014 on Jan 21, 2013 19:26:01 GMT -5
Hmm, I would think that the IT specialist's company would be inclined to believe his suspicions of corporate malfeasance especially in the times we live now. It would also be easier for him to pass the information along without being harmed (He could simply speak with his superior in person or via phone).
The idea of making him a loner or independent of the corporations breeds conflict as it is David vs. 2 Goliaths.
Just my two cents,
Elizabeth
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Post by mybrainhurts on Jan 21, 2013 19:32:51 GMT -5
Hmm, I would think that the IT specialist's company would be inclined to believe his suspicions of corporate malfeasance especially in the times we live now. It would also be easier for him to pass the information along without being harmed (He could simply speak with his superior in person or via phone). The idea of making him a loner or independent of the corporations breeds conflict as it is David vs. 2 Goliaths. Just my two cents, Elizabeth He does explain everything to his own CEO (company being bought). The next day the CEO is murdered, and because the company doing the buying has been watching, they knew who spills the beans and goes after the protagonist. However...I do like the angle that he is independent. Maybe he goes to the press instead of the CEO...hmmm.
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Post by lizzo1014 on Jan 21, 2013 23:18:58 GMT -5
To be honest, the logline sounds like a generic action thriller. Would have to read the script and see how it is executed.
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mscherer
Full Member
Learn. Teach. Do.
Posts: 172
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Post by mscherer on Jan 22, 2013 7:06:23 GMT -5
Who is the antagonist in your story?
You don't want it to be the 'hostile company' because that is too broad. The audience needs someone to dislike, so that task becomes much easier when the villain is a specific person.
Tell me who the bad guy is and I will better understand your story.
Keep Writing!
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Post by mybrainhurts on Jan 23, 2013 16:11:19 GMT -5
Who is the antagonist in your story? You don't want it to be the 'hostile company' because that is too broad. The audience needs someone to dislike, so that task becomes much easier when the villain is a specific person. Tell me who the bad guy is and I will better understand your story. Keep Writing! It is the CEO of the company and all the "thugs" that the CEO/Company has hired to get rid of our protagonist, so it is hard to pinpoint the antagonist as it is not just one person, but a group of people.
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mscherer
Full Member
Learn. Teach. Do.
Posts: 172
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Post by mscherer on Jan 23, 2013 19:23:58 GMT -5
Brain,
You nailed it! The CEO is the villain, while all the other baddies are just hired hands.
Now what we need to know/understand is THE WHY for his actions. What makes this guy tick? Greed? Knowledge? Just pure evil?
Once you answer this question, you have your story.
Keep Writing!
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